do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
