she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
