I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
