It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
