I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize