you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
