Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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