i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
