i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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