Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize