Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
