the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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