Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm getting married
To pizza
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
