hotel room ftw
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
