I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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