Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
