i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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