I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
