; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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