My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
