the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
