I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
