I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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