I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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