you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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