please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
