I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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