when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
