twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
