my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize