If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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