Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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