My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize