is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
