I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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