so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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