Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
