I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
