Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
