i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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