she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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