i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
