***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
