Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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