we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
