so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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