There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
