got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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