Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
