come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
