It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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