You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
