right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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