I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
