was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize