Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize