Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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