someone get that fucking seahorse.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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