can we get nightvision for the apartment?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
