I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize
