CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
