I didn't shave. On purpose
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just had sex on a roof
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
