which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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