i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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