4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
