it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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