i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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