you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have post one night stand depression
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