I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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