I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
