i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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