How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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