1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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