That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
