I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
