he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
