in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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