I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
