i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
