"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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