Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize