Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
