Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
