he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
