I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize