Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
