i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
