Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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