Four minutes until I can fart!
Acid is not a monday night drug
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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