Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
