Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
