Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
