he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
