I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
