i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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