Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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