sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
