This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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