so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
