The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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