take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
