brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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