Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
