you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They took my balls.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
