Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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