Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
