i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
