waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
