FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
