hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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