He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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