I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
