Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
