I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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